Well, I let “them” get to me yesterday…
The day started off so bright…the sun shining in my face…seeing my breath in the crisp fall air…enjoying riding my bike to work…and then “the meeting”…I hate meetings.
I haven’t been that angry in a long time. I’m normally better at dealing with it these days because I’ve had a better attitude period. For some reason though, yesterday, I lost it!
I let “them” affect me. I was so tense, so full of venom (that spewed even from my mouth! I hate it when I talk like that!), so full of hurt that I started to cry (I really hate it when I do that).
And I had such a bad headache last night. And an excruciating tight muscle in my shoulder. Both of which I haven’t had in a really long time. Both of which were physical manifestations of my anger.
Who did I hurt with this anger? Certainly not “them”! “They” are still completely oblivious to my feelings because I certainly can’t show it to “them”! I might have lost my job if I said any of that to “them”!
I hurt me! And, I think I hurt my team; I certainly didn’t help them in any way with my words nor my actions.
Thankfully though, I ate Chinese food (a comfort food for me!), spent the evening with my family and slept on it last night. This morning, I sipped my coffee and smiled over my mug at my hubby as we sat for like an hour watching and listening to the little guys play with play doh! Bliss!
There’s nothing like being at home with the ones you love to put it all in perspective. Will anything that happened yesterday mean one damn thing in five years? Hell, even two years?
Nope! It won’t. “They” will keep doing what they are doing over and over. I cannot fix it. No matter how hard I try or how much I want to.
That’s my problem, you see. I want to FIX IT! That’s who I am. Mrs. Fix-It! I am slowly coming to the realization that I can’t possibly fix everything – especially things there. I am slowly learning from my mistakes. It is unfortunate that “they” don’t seem to be.
None of that is in my control though. I can only control my reaction to those situations. I did not control it yesterday.
I am not going to beat myself up about it for days though (like I used to). I am apologizing to my team and then I’m going to move on. My job does not define me. It is not me.
I am this person that loves to help people. That is what I can do and is what I intend to do everyday, whether “they” know it or not, I really don’t care. I care about the “little people” and my team. And that is all that matters.
“They” can pile it on and make all kinds of decisions that I don’t agree with. Whatever. “They” have to live with themselves. I can only do what I can do.
So…guys…I’m sorry for acting like a jerk and a baby!
I will do my job and try to do whatever I can do to help us get through the week. We will help who we can and do the best we can…like we always do 🙂
And my advice to everyone – don’t let “them” get to you. Find your comfort, find ways to relieve the stress. Find out what makes “you, you” and let the rest fall where it may. As I’ve said before, find out what the important things are. Most importantly, take care of Y-O-U! You cannot take care of anyone else until you take care of yourself.
A rough day…no, just another chance for me to learn from my mistakes!