I read Leo’s Blog post this morning:
and it was yet another example of the Universe talking to me!
You see, today is my 11th year of being married to my wonderful husband! Leo’s post is about stop planning so much and live in the moment. Stress will disappear.
I thought of this in terms of a marriage.
I know I had “plans” of what my life was going to be like, what my marriage was going to be like.
Then reality set in. 🙂
Even my wedding day didn’t go according to plan: We were having a small wedding in our new house. My maid of honor and I got up early and drove out of town to another town, where my aunty was doing my hair. I left my friends’ teenagers asleep, babysitting my still sleeping son. I had lit a tea light on the kitchen counter to set the mood that morning while I had coffee.
Well, when we left the house, I didn’t blow out the candle! When we returned, the girls came bursting out of the house, exclaiming “Who left a candle burning”? Immediately my friend and I ran in to find that the candle had burned down enough that it had flowed over the little tin cup it was in, onto the counter, and started the little disposable cameras on fire that I’d left on the counter as well!
Thankfully, the girls had smelled the smoke and woke up and came downstairs and put out the fire and no one was hurt. Thank God!
The girls had cleaned up the fine black ashes that had drifted down on all of the white chairs and all over the great room that was setup for the wedding. My counter was melted in that spot, so we covered it with a table cloth. The room smelled smoky, but it was a beautiful 24 degrees outside, so we opened up all the windows and aired it out before the wedding.
Needless to say, I (being much different than I am now) thought that this was a sign. I became depressed and negative about it, convinced that he wouldn’t even show up after I’d called him and told him that I’d tried to burn the house down! I sulked until my girlfriend literally kicked me in the butt! and reminded me that no one got hurt (and how lucky that was) and that it was a beautiful day regardless and that life happens!
So, the wedding went on! And I just got distracted from the point of my post! Sorry!
Now, over the years there have been plenty of ups and downs in our marriage. I have made plans about what it was going to be like. I had expectations of how he was going to treat me, how he was going to act. I have been closed off to the fact that there are always bumps in the road; over-reacting to the simplest of things.
There have been many times where I’ve questioned the purpose of our marriage and “why am I putting up with this”? There have been many times where I’ve pointed blame away from myself.
Through it all though, as my “plans” have not turned out, we’ve never stopped communicating. We’ve never stopped giving ourselves to the moment.
That has been what has kept us going. The plans have backfired, but we’ve been open and accepting that life just happens. That you can’t plan it. It is messy.
After the initial arguing and fighting and overreacting, we’ve then stopped and acted appropriately. Realizing that we both have screwed up, sometimes “majorly”! We keep talking it out.
We have learned so much from each other over the years, and from the advice we’ve received from our parents and friends. We do still try to plan our future together, but less so.
Yes, we’re still going to have a ton of ups and downs, but fewer. More and more though, we find that our marriage is at it’s best when we just give ourselves to the moment and don’t worry so much about tomorrow. We just live in the here and now and just love each other.
We take the time to say “I love you” even as we’re hurrying out the door. We spend time with each other as adults regularly instead of just mom and dad. We say “thank you” and “I’m sorry” even when sometimes, we don’t want to!
And, we’ve just danced in the kitchen while the dishes sit there in the sink.
Happy Anniversary to the love of my life. I can’t wait for another 50 years with you!