I woke up early today – worried again.
I then lay awake fretting about what I did wrong yesterday and how I was going to “fix it”! I lay there “reading into” things said or not said. How I was going to make my point heard today? How was I going to fix this?
I had been away from the office for two days, so I was WAAAYYY behind an already behind pile of work. I didn’t seem to get much of anything accomplished and was fretting that I should work this weekend. I completely forgot about the two days I’d just spent getting inspired to FIX some things at work. I had been so excited, and then lost that excitement when I got to my desk.
I was also fretting about whether or not someone was mad at me! I’d left a few text messages, a voice mail, and some comments on Facebook. No response. That was the main reason why I woke up. Had I done something else wrong? What was it? I completely “read into” this non-response as “Oh Crap! Now I’m in trouble again!”
I couldn’t get back to sleep, so I got up. These things were still going through my head. Along with all the things I wanted to do about them. Work extra hours. Write a long letter to apologize and explain how I’ve been feeling. Send an email. Send another text message. Make a phone call. Etc. Etc.
Then I decided, you know what, I always think better and feel better after I read some FlyLady emails. She and her Friends always have great words of wisdom. Maybe that will help.
Well, it only took like 15 minutes (FlyLady’s magic number) to start feeling better and reminding myself how to deal with things.
The emails that I have read so far have the message of stop beating yourself up about the mistakes you’ve made in the past! That is not going to change those mistakes.
And you know what? Everyone makes mistakes! A lot of people! Even people that we perceive as being “perfect”! We are allowed to make mistakes.
Sitting here (or laying there like I was) kicking myself about what I didn’t get done and what I should have said/not said is not going to help anything. In fact, it will likely make things worse – either in my mind or actually worse when I spend more time worrying about it than fixing it!
There was a specific line in an email from Jonathan Roche from No Excuses Workouts that hit me the hardest:
“Don’t let yesterday’s missteps rob you of today and tomorrow’s victories. Today is a new and beautiful day so use it as the gift it is…”
The FlyLady’s messages are always about starting over today. Just jump right in and get it done. She talks about how she used to always beat herself up about how she looked, how she cleaned house, how she felt about herself (she thought she was worthless and let people tell her that she was).
Slowly, these messages have been seeping into my mind: I cannot change the past or the mistakes I have made. I am not perfect, and that is a good thing! I am someone special that deserves a great life. I am not worthless.
Slowly, in “baby steps”, or little pieces at a time, I am understanding this. I am getting so much better than I was even only 2 years ago.
Everyday is another chance to try again. To make one more step forward. There may be steps backwards too, but as long as I keep going forward too, the net result will be getting further ahead! Just keep trying!
And that is what I’m going to do today. Start over again!
For more information on FlyLady and Jonathan Roche: