October 3, 1990 – after staying with a couple of friends from university
“…that was one of the best days that I’ve had in a long time! It just feels good to get out and talk to people that I enjoy talking to (there’s not too many [back at home])…they were genuinely interested in how I was feeling and what it’s like being pregnant. Everyone else either avoids the subject or thinks that it’s ‘neat’ – that is, everyone my age does. My parents and aunts etc are all excited and concerned, but it’s different than people my age. I don’t know, maybe the friends I thought I had are still my friends, they just have pushed away because I scare them. I represent growing up, I guess. They don’t want to look responsibility in the face…they don’t want to be reminded that sometime they’ll have to grow up…”
October 24, 1990
“…I’m getting so excited and nervous and scared and curious and everything else all at once. Sometimes the amazement of it all just blows me away! I can’t believe it sometimes. I have dreams at night of what my life and this little baby’s life is going to be like. Not everything has been great in these dreams, things are hard in them too. Who would have believed that I was going to have a baby?!! I certainly would have been the last to admit it! It’s so amazing!
I can hardly wait for the baby to arrive and then sometimes it scares me half to death to think of me as a mom; to think of me raising a child in this world that is so mixed up. Sometimes I wonder how I’m going to do it. But then I realize that I will do it…All of these thoughts lately have been so confusing and overwhelming, yet I think that this is the way my life was meant to be…Parenthood is made up of both the happiest and the saddest days of our lives…I don’t know why I’m feeling so philosophical all of a sudden. It’s just that everyday I’ve begun to see things in a different light. Maybe, like a kitten my eyes are finally being opened; slowly but surely.”
November 13, 1990 – due date was November 12th
“…It was amazing how many people phoned me this weekend!…The race is on for all of them to see who will be the first to find out about the baby! It’s really quite funny. I never got that many phone calls all summer long!…”
November 15, 1990
“…Well, I’m still at home, waiting for the big day! I’m going crazy waiting for everything to happen. It’s also irritating because everyone keeps asking and phoning and reminding me that I still haven’t had the baby!! I know I haven’t! They don’t have to keep telling me!
August 25, 1992 – I got a little busy after November 19th!
“…Now I’m a mom, homemaker and student – no longer a girl!
On November 19th, I had a doctor’s appointment. She told me it’ll be another week yet! So, I disgustedly went home and made supper. We had the wood heater going, so I called everyone to eat and went down to fill it. As per usual with that stupid thing, the flap fell down and burned my arm a little. It was enough to make me jump. Then I felt a pain in my stomach and thought, ‘oh no, I pulled a muscle – really great!’ I went upstairs to supper and I was climbing I felt another pain…I [went to my mom] and said ‘I don’t want to alarm you but I think I’m having contractions and they’re five minutes apart.’ She said, ‘Oh, they can’t be that close. We have a while yet, let’s go eat supper.’
But after only a few bites and more contractions, I wasn’t in the mood to eat. I sat there for a few minutes. Dad decided that the contractions were too close together to be waiting around…
We managed to get to the car for the longest and bumpiest ride of my life. It seemed like a dream and take forever!
When we got to the hospital, everyone was waiting for us. It was 6:30 and some of my friends’ moms were nurses and decided to stay after their shift and help settle me in…”
Before midnight, my oldest was born! And here it is 19 years later! It is very hard to believe. So much has happened since then! I always get misty-eyed this time of year because it was such a turning point in my life.
I was a self-focused, immature person before him. I had never journaled before I picked up the pen and wrote this journal. My new outlook on life made me think of someone besides myself. I understood my parents and that there was more to life than a career and money.
It has been a long road, with some bumps along the way. All in all, he’s an awesome kid and I have an amazing life, because of him, I think!
You’re Gonna Be – this song is dedicated too my handsome young man! I love you and I’m proud of you!
God didn’t answer my prayers to not be pregnant. He had a different plan for me. A plan I did not see until after I became a mom! Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers! 🙂 And God Don’t Make Mistakes: