A Shoulder to Lean On

I have been tripping and stumbling along for the past couple weeks. I’d take a step or two forward, but would constantly fall back; further each time. I’ve been in a “funk” – unable to find my “mojo” as they say!

The same old things, getting to me and getting me down. Reading and writing would help for a tiny bit, but then I’d fall back again. Angry and frustrated with so many things that I have no control over. So disheartened, so sad at the turn of events in my work life. Add that to the fact that I’ve forgotten that my work is not my life!

Just the usual complaints. I’ve just struggled to get past them. I’ve not been able to “let it go”.

I haven’t been taking care of myself: eating junk, not exercising, attempting to exercise but something getting in the way and then I would get mad. Not finding happiness in all of the gifts I’ve been given. Being mad at myself for not being grateful for these gifts. Not taking my own damn advice that I keep giving to everyone else! Getting really P.O.ed at everything!

I started a post earlier today, but it was a whiny post, so I deleted it. I was just disgusted. What the @$#* was the point? My hubby is away, so I’m feeling a little lonely. I don’t want to clean house, I don’t want to sew. There’s nothing on TV. Whine. Whine. Whine. UGH! I wanted to kick my own butt! But it wasn’t working!

What finally hit me tonight?

My best friend. She is truly my hero.

She is just always there. I have taken that for granted many a time – and I have regretted that every time. No one else understands me like she does!

When I took her daughter to school on the morning I was to pick her up from the airport after being away on a holiday, I exclaimed, “Your mom comes home today! I sure have missed her!” And the wise blue eyes of an almost 6 year old looked up at me and said, “Well, duh, you’re friends!” Kids just get it. Why the hell can’t we? 🙂

She came over last night and kept me company so I wouldn’t be so lonely. Shared a couple new vodka drinks (our favorite pastime!), watched a “chick flick” – which I never get to do. And just listened. Again. The poor girl. Then she invited me and the kids to dinner tonight, even after me boring her to death with the same old same old crapola from work! She is not only a hero, she is a saint!

She got my butt to a workout tonight. I whined about going, I whined about work while she made supper for me and the kids. I whined about the workout being ‘hard’ while I was there (I believe I said that I hated her at 1 point, right? 😉 )

To me, she really is a hero. I could never fully explain how much I need her shoulder to lean on. She just believes in me, even when I don’t believe in me. When I think that I am worthless, she always reminds me how great and how beautiful I am. She reminds me that I am intelligent and that I deserve happiness.

A true friend never lets you feel bad about yourself. She will be firm with you when you need it, but she will comfort you and protect you, even from yourself.

That’s what she does – she is that shoulder that I lean on – a lot lately. She is fierce in her protection of me, but doesn’t let me get away with beating up on myself. She’ll be the first to give me a kick in the butt if I’m being an idiot, but she’ll also be the first to be there to catch me when I fall or pick me up and dust me off and push me onward again.

Thanks you for all you do – I don’t tell you often enough. You are my “bestest friend” as I always jokingly say, but really do mean it. I would be a different person if I hadn’t met you. Thank you for being my friend.

S

And of course, a video:

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5 thoughts on “A Shoulder to Lean On

  1. Wow Shawna …. you are amazing. I too have been feeling blah for the last two weeks. I have had a few friends involved in very nasy break ups and it has been bringing me down. I am going to call my “special friend ” this morning.
    I need my Carrie dose !!!
    Keep writing!!!

    1. I am sorry to hear about your friends, that’s hard to deal with. Calling Carrie is a great idea! She sure is a great lady!

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