February has begun, and so, I start this month’s Happiness Project theme: LOVE
I want to think about all kinds of ways that I find happiness in love. In my list of things that I love about me, one of them was that I love deeply.
I have recently been following/reading a beautifully written blog by Lindsey at A Design So Vast. She recently wrote a post: A Letter to Gracie where she writes a letter to her daughter. It is an amazing read.
I thought this would be a great idea to explore my love of each of my children. I’ll start with my daughter.
To my dearest daughter:
The picture above is so truly you. What are you thinking about? I wonder that often. As I know your teachers do. You are forever in dream land and I long to be there with you. I find that I give you trouble about that too often; telling you to focus on the task at hand. Thinking about that, breaks my heart. Too often I pull you out of those dreams and I think that is a mistake.
All too soon you will be a teenager, full of thoughts of boys and college and how soon can you grow up. I need to cherish these moments where I catch you dreaming. I need to sit and dream with you.
I love that you are so much like me: constantly wanting to try new things: a new sport, read a new book, find a new friend, go to a new place. Don’t ever lose that thrill, that love of life! I worry that you will be frustrated like I get sometimes that you can’t do it all. Believe me, my precious one, don’t give up, don’t settle – keep trying those things and know that even though you can’t do all of them all at once, you will get to it if you keep pushing through!
I love that you are so much NOT like me. You are feminine where I am not. You see beauty so much quicker than I do. You love all things beautiful and are quick to point it out to me. It always amazes me how you can put on a dance costume and makeup and have your hair all “perfect”, yet you can throw on a pair of yoga pants and a pony tail and still feel and be gorgeous! I am so glad that you have that self confidence that I never had. You know, even at 10, that beautiful is so much more than outward appearances.
My heart ached for you at the Halloween dance. I saw you, but you didn’t see me. It was your first “dance”. Often I see you at these kinds of social events off to the side, observing. Sometimes you are in the thick of it, but mostly you just observe. You are not really shy, but you are not one of those girls that are surrounded by other kids and the center of attention.
I worry for you, and then I kick myself for worrying. I don’t want you to be one of those girls. Someday, those girls won’t be the center of attention and won’t know what to do. But I don’t want you to be alone either. I am torn. I want you to be popular, but I don’t want you to be one of the “popular” kids. It makes no sense.
What I truly want for you are friends that are true friends. I tell you this when you are sad when one of your “friends” hurt you. I know all too well the sorrow of that. True friends will not hurt you; not make you cry. I want you to have kindred spirits who understand you, who are quiet while you daydream, who lift you up, who believe in you and know you are special.
What do you dream about while you gaze off like that? When you wander around just watching? Are you sad? Are you lonely? Or are you just absorbing all you can? Are you wondering what to do next? Are you dreaming of far away lands and adventures?
Can I hold your hand and follow you there?