Just Another Ordinary Miracle

I have been exploring LOVE for my Happiness Project this month. It has been an eye-opening, tearful, heart-swelling experience so far. My posts have been open letters and stories of my family. I’ve explored why I love them and why I am so truly blessed to have them in my life.

It has been a journey back in time for me. For many years, whenever I’d look back on my life, I’d see all that I didn’t have. All the times I’ve felt sorry for myself. All the mistakes I’d made. All the people who left me alone. All the times that I was crippled with fear. Fear; that enveloping, cold fear that seemed to cripple me so many times.

I have cried reading Lindsey’s blog this month, seeing so much of myself in her posts. She is able to put into words what I cannot.

Like her, I would remember the days of darkness and shadows where I felt worthless and utterly alone. There were times where I’d even considered the unthinkable, but never doing anything because deep down, I knew the sorrow it would bring to those I loved. I felt as if I was in a barren wasteland, crying for someone to rescue me from myself, from my fears of being alone, to bring me water and lift me to the light.

I have also recently been reading a blog from Ronna Detrick, and today’s post has inspired today’s thoughts on this darkness and shadow – this desert as Ronna describes.

Now that I’m older (middle-aged!) I have discovered something about those times in my life. Those times where I wanted to be “rescued” – those were the times that I could not, should not, have been rescued. Those were the times that I needed to get to know ME, get to know the beasts within, my darkest spaces. I needed to learn to overcome. To be strong. Learn what I am capable of.

These wonderful people in my life may not have “rescued” me during those times, but they were the “tough angels” that stood guard at my side while I struggled, while I learned. They waited, they watched, they loved me enough, they knew I would find my way and that I would be stronger for it. Oh, how they must have hurt too to watch me struggle. How they must have wanted to rescue me, but could not.

My “sweet wine” and “strong bread” was their words of wisdom and encouragement; prayers and thoughts for me. Enough nourishment to get me where I needed to go. They were tough on me when I needed it. Not enough bread to gorge myself on and become lazy and complacent. Enough to give me the strength to carry on. Enough wine to leave me just a little bit thirsty. The thirst for more that pulls me forward to the unknown.

It was (and still is, I’m not so naive to think that there won’t be more days of darkness and shadows) necessary to cross those deserts. To see all that I take for granted, to see all that I have. When I am there in the desert, I can see those strong angels gathered around me. I can taste the sweetness of the wine. I am able to receive the bread and be thankful.

That is why this song came into my head as I thought about this desert that Ronna talks about. Everyday, including those days in the desert, maybe ESPECIALLY those days in the desert, is a miracle. The richness all around us; I cannot express it the way this song can.

This is what I’ve been discovering this month in my Happiness Project. I love, I have so much love to give, I have been loved. That is the miracle. I could not have felt or given this love had I not been in the desert.

“Life is like a gift they say, wrapped up for you everyday”

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11 thoughts on “Just Another Ordinary Miracle

  1. What a beautiful post!
    I love Ronna’s images of the desert as well, and of the angels, bread, and wine.
    I think you make a tremendously important point, which is that we usually need to make it through the darknesses by ourselves to really learn the lessons therein. That feels lousy (at least to me) in the moment but is worth it in the end. And, ultimately, those experiences allow us to feel and give more love.
    xo

    1. Thank you Jeanne, and it seems that there are more angels like you every day! Wow! I like how Ronna thinks of the desert – meeting the most stunning companions. That’s so true as well. It’s those that have been through it, that have walked the desert, that understand. It makes the journey worth while!

  2. How fabulous is this? To find you referencing such beautiful images of desert, tough angels, sweet wine, strong bread – and being deeply grateful that I’m in the mix! And Lindsey too!

    Here’s what I know about the desert: though we think/fear it to be desolate, lonely, painful, and aching; it’s most often in its midst that we meet and come to know the most stunning companions – fellow travelers who know the same biting sand, the same scorching heat, and the same beauty…

    I’m SO grateful for those desert companions in my past and now new ones (you, Lindsey, others) in my present and future.

    Yes, our experience of the desert can be “a barren wasteland, crying for someone to rescue me from myself, from my fears of being alone, to bring me water and lift me to the light.” Indeed, over and over again, water appears, light breaks through, tough angels appear – in the most surprising and powerful ways.

    Let’s toast the sweet wine, dip the strong bread, and walk into it together. I’m totally there!!!

    1. I love that thought Ronna! and something I didn’t think of – that in the desert we meet and come to know those “stunning companions” that have been there, that are searching those dark corners, that understand. My new friends like you that just seem to know me, yet we’ve never met! It’s incredible!

      And I am so blessed with strong angels! My best friend just always seems to know the right things to say or do and just the right time. I am very lucky to have her. She has been in that desert with me many a time!

      Cheers to you all! Onward!

  3. Beautiful words to describe a difficult journey! Without the darkness, how do we know what light is? Without the struggle, how do we know ease? Both ends of the spectrum are in our lives for a reason!

    1. It was when I started understanding that everything happens for a reason that I started to REALLY understand who I am. And it was my strong angels that were there, when I needed it most! Thx Nicki!

  4. I like the fact that your open letters to your loved ones have really shifted how you look at your life. Sometimes we can take our blessings for granted and not really appreciate people enough, if at all. I like that your open letters have opened your eyes to seeing the riches of your life in a way that you may have never done before.

    1. You are right Jacqui, I did not realize how rich I am. Until I actually took the time to sit down and think about all these amazing people, I was missing out!

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