I just discovered this song yesterday and it keeps going around and around in my head:
Matthew West – The Motions
This song is everything that I am trying to do. 2010 is my year. The year that I take chances. The year that I chase my dreams. The year that I put my heart out there for everyone to see. The year that I learn who I am and what my place in life is. The year that I become someone I admire instead of someone I despise.
This line: “I don’t want to spend my whole life asking “What if I had given everything-instead of going through the motions.” hits me so hard.
I realized how many years I have just gone through the motions. I did not give my everything to my family and friends. I have spent so much time being afraid. I was too afraid to put my whole heart into loving them. Afraid that they would discover who I really am and leave me. I did not have faith in myself or faith in God to take care of us. That even He would not accept me. I was afraid to be alone.
I have spent years doing what everyone expects of me. Afraid to let people down, yet still letting them down because my heart wasn’t in what I was doing. Not realizing that all they’ve ever wanted for me is to be happy. I let them down because I wasn’t happy. Going through the motions of doing a job instead of doing what I love. Setting my dreams aside to be “realistic”.
It has not been easy and I trip and fall a lot while I try to give everything. I have days where I just want to give up – it’s so much easier to go through the motions. But I don’t want that anymore. I want to feel “real” and alive, even if it hurts.
”Cause just OK is not enough”
Great post!
I love this line:
“I have spent years doing what everyone expects of me. Afraid to let people down, yet still letting them down because my heart wasn’t in what I was doing.”
What I struggle with is trying to balance meeting expectations – the expectations of others and the expectations I place on myself.
Ok is not enough is so true, but’s almost impossible to give your all to everyone and everything without becoming burned out.
I don’t know what the secret is to giving your all and finding balance – but if you ever find it please do share. 😉
Thanks for stopping by Shannon! I don’t know the secret either about finding that balance. I do know that I’ve learned that it is ok – even very important – to do what is best for me! That has been a tough lesson!
I love your blog btw!
I so support you doing what is best for you, Shawna. It is a tough road when you think it should be easy. It is a well-worth the journey – the ups and downs – though.
Thank you Nicki – for your support, for your advice. I really do appreciate it!