I just discovered this song yesterday and it keeps going around and around in my head:

Matthew West – The Motions

This song is everything that I am trying to do. 2010 is my year. The year that I take chances. The year that I chase my dreams. The year that I put my heart out there for everyone to see. The year that I learn who I am and what my place in life is. The year that I become someone I admire instead of someone I despise.

This line:  “I don’t want to spend my whole life asking “What if I had given everything-instead of going through the motions.” hits me so hard.

I realized how many years I have just gone through the motions. I did not give my everything to my family and friends. I have spent so much time being afraid. I was too afraid to put my whole heart into loving them. Afraid that they would discover who I really am and leave me. I did not have faith in myself or faith in God to take care of us. That even He would not accept me. I was afraid to be alone.

I have spent years doing what everyone expects of me. Afraid to let people down, yet still letting them down because my heart wasn’t in what I was doing. Not realizing that all they’ve ever wanted for me is to be happy. I let them down because I wasn’t happy. Going through the motions of doing a job instead of doing what I love. Setting my dreams aside to be “realistic”.

It has not been easy and I trip and fall a lot while I try to give everything. I have days where I just want to give up – it’s so much easier to go through the motions. But I don’t want that anymore. I want to feel “real” and alive, even if it hurts.

”Cause just OK is not enough”