Some Truths

I talk about myself a lot on this blog. I try to inspire myself by writing about ways I’m trying to improve. If I inspire someone else along the way, that makes me very happy.

I read a post the other day from Corbett Barr 33 Things I Never Told You (or How to Reintroduce Yourself and Kick Your Watered Down Self in the Ass that he basically reveals quite a few personal truths about himself and calls us to task about being ourself in our writing. It was a good example of just letting go.

Sometimes, I think my posts are too “mushy”, too much sunshine and roses. That isn’t my intention. I want to use my experiences and thoughts to help lift us out of the muck and mire of the every day.

Even me stating that “I think my posts are too ‘mushy’…makes me realize that I am worrying about what others think! Of course I do. I try not too. I talk about being yourself on this blog all the time. But sometimes, it’s not easy.

So, in this post, I want to list some of the ways that I DON”T follow my own advice. Just in case you were thinking that I’m supermom! 😉 (uh,huh, whatever!)

  1. I still have days where I worry that “nobody likes me”. Seriously. How lame!
  2. I buy a chocolate bar when I go grocery shopping and eat it before anyone sees me! Healthy, huh? Same goes for chips and dip sometimes!
  3. I sometimes have VIVID daydreams of terrible things happening to my children and it scares the hell out of me. Why does that happen?
  4. I really think that I will strangle someone if I don’t have my morning coffee. No joke.
  5. I sometimes wish I could just run away and be by myself, away from everything and everyone
  6. I worry that I drink too much. Last Friday, I didn’t drink anything and the cravings were horrible. What does that mean?
  7. I had a lot of scholarships for university and I literally partied it all away. I am very ashamed of that and I know I disappointed many.
  8. I check Facebook and Twitter a lot at work. I’m on the computer waaaayyyy too much. I’m working on that though. It has affected my kids, and that’s not a good thing.
  9. My husband and I have been in serious financial trouble TWICE and have had to have our parents help us out – yeah, that’s embarrassing and not very grown up.
  10. I have held a lot of resentment towards my husband about that and other things. My resentment has caused a lot of problems between us. But, we’re working on that too.
  11. I am sometimes overwhelmed and anxious about all the things I want/have to do (mostly because I have over-extended myself). It is so crippling that I bury myself in a book, computer game or the tv to run away from it. This can sometimes last days until someone or something kicks my ass.
  12. I once had a night when I was so drunk that I don’t remember most of what happened, but I’m pretty sure that I let some guy take advantage of me. That scared the HELL out of me because I totally knew better and bad shit could have happened. I am not proud of that and pray and talk to my teenager about the dangers of that kind of thing. I am terrified that the same thing will happen to my daughter.
  13. I still get jealous of my sisters and their marriages because they don’t have to work; they get to be the moms that I think I should be for my children. I often believe that they are better moms than me because they are home with them. I have worked full time since they were babies and I resent that sometimes.
  14. I really, really am terrified of bats. The summer we went to Nelson, I completely freaked out one morning when I was on the deck by myself and the bats were coming back to roost in the space JUST ABOVE MY HEAD! I panicked actually. Thank God no one saw me.
  15. I am really scared sometimes that I will be stuck in a job that I don’t care about anymore. That I won’t be able to do what I really love because I’m just not good enough. I wonder if it will ever happen and I’ll be free of the “day job”.
  16. I am ashamed of myself for not being thankful for all that I have. There are days where I wish for this and that instead of seeing all that I have been given.

Anyway, there’s just some of the things that show you my imperfections. My truths that Ronna inspires me to think about.

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15 thoughts on “Some Truths

  1. Wow. What a brave post. You really put it out there–I am so impressed.

    I also don’t want you to feel alone–I was nodding my head at several of the items on your list. Right there with you.

  2. OK Shawna. How beautiful are you? How brave? How awesome? How stunningly, knockout, incredible?

    Here’s the thing: with every bullet point, the things that you are most insecure about become smaller and smaller while you become larger and larger – more and more full of life, of hope, of truth, of you!

    When truth emerges, the darkness has to flee. And light floods.

    Nothin’ but light, woman. It’s everywhere.

    I’m inspired – and grateful.

  3. Ronna is great isn’t she!! Thank you for sharing this post!!

    I also on occasion;

    Worry, and also hide my indulgent food and beverages. I have occasional bad thoughts and nightmares about bad things happening to my precious children.

    I also;

    Long to totally let go and be my 100 percent authentic self in each and every circumstance I am in!!

    I sometimes drink to much, waste time, and become anxious. I then will bury or distract myself with useless activity.

    ~ I think that all you wrote is normal and common. And, I so appreciate you sharing it all. As well as and giving me format to divulge my imperfections ♡.

    I read this quote a while ago; ” Your imperfections are what make you perfect.” I think that is sooo….True!! ~ Renee Michelle

    1. Wow Renee! I’m so glad I’m not alone! Thanks for sharing also! I love that quote! I hadn’t heard that before – thank you! Take care and thanks for hanging out at the Cafe Cevraini 😉

  4. Are we soul mates? 🙂

    You know, I think a lot about not being good enough. We all try and we try, and we put forth our best effort, but the scary thing is…what if our best isn’t enough? It’s one of those faith-based kind of things that we just have to roll with…taking leaps and seeing where we land….but in the back of our minds, that fear is always present. It is in mine, anyway.

    Thank you for sharing. I loved reading this this morning. I needed it.

    -Ash

    1. Ash – you have no idea how much it means to me to know that you feel the same sometimes because you are someone I admire so much! We are indeed kindred spirits! 🙂

  5. Oh, Shawna! I fear I would chase people away if I was as brave as you have been here. You are brave and awesome and beautiful. The truth sets us free in ways we cannot imagine when we tell it.

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