They had no idea…I couldn’t let them see it. I wanted them to see me fearless. I wanted to do it for me. For all those times when I felt my heart pound and my breath quicken. Times when the panic stopped me in my tracks.
And so it was that I found myself at the top of the high diving board, leaping toward my fears…
…It was sprinkling rain this morning when Rebecca woke us up with an exclamation that there were deer, 3 bucks no less, feeding on the trees in the misty morning dew of a Fairmont day. We slept all night with the door to the deck open and stood there in our PJs taking some pictures. We all actually slept. First time that I think I’ve been able to sleep away from home. We just did.
Bruce went for a big run in the mountain air while the kids & I went down to the Rec centre and signed up for tomorrow’s activities. We played a couple games of pool and picked a family movie for tonight!
Back at home, I made a big lunch and Lucas pitched in and helped with dishes (Rebecca did them with me at breakfast) then we headed off to the hot springs.
We’d tried to explain the concept to the kids but they didn’t get it until we got into the warm pool. Then, we couldn’t get them out of it! The rain sprinkled down and we barely noticed it 🙂
This is where I’d ended up being at the top of that diving board. Rebecca wanted someone to do it with her, so I decided that now was the time to overcome my fear of heights! Crazy, I know! The panic threatened me as I climbed that ladder – I hate ladders. But she was there watching and besides, a while ago, I’d decided that these fears had to stop. They were holding me back. No more.
I climbed that stinking ladder and walked out to the edge. Fear gripped my heart. I could not…yes, yes I could. What was the worst that could happen? I’d fall. So? I am a good swimmer. I’ll be ok.
What would happen if I didn’t do it? Much worse. My fears would have control of me yet again. My daughter would be alone as she attempted a milestone of her life. I would have to go back down that fricking ladder again!
Nope. I held my breath and jumped! The plunge into the water enveloped me in a firm grip. Water that I’m comfortable in. I grew up navigating it, learning to relax in it. I’d leapt and I was safe. I’d overcome. My heart soared as I realized that I didn’t miss out because of fear.
The line from Babs on the movie Chicken Run that just came up as I write these words: “My life flashed before me eyes…it was really boring”…funny how the Universe works!
That won’t be me. I want so much to be the example to my children so that they won’t say, “…it was really boring…” when their time is up. I want them to remember to grab life with both hands and not let those fears control them. Don’t let those fears hold them back. That’s why I jumped today…so that I can say, “Yep, I was scared but I did it anyway.” and they will understand and live that way too.
What fear can you overcome today?
I even found myself taking pictures from the balcony-where my fear of heights would normally stop me from being so close to the edge…