I sat there reading Eat,Pray,Love today on the deck at the pool. I was in India with Elizabeth Gilbert as she learned to let go.
I thought about where my life was taking me. I thought about how I’m changing – living more in the moment than I used to. How I’ve been learning to let go too.
Have you ever spent time just watching your children? Watching them without them knowing? I find that I’m becoming addicted to this. I will stop what I’m doing and “spy” on them.
Watching them interact with each other (when they’re not fighting) is beautiful. They are close those two. I watch Rebecca observe others and I watch Lucas venture out alone where he once wouldn’t let me out of his sight. I feel tears well in my eyes as I watch them – I am just so blessed.
Then he goes out in the water with them – my husband. I peak around my book.
Their smiles light up from all the way over there. He splashes around with them and their giggles reach my very core. Under they go, but it is all part of the game.
I see him plant a big sloppy kiss on Lucas and he squeals in horror and pleasure all at the same time! I love this man, this passionate Italian, who is so easily teaching his children that it is ok for men to show love. Tears well again.
I watch them play so more. He is so great at playing with them. I know there are times when I get exasperated at his timing when he “riles them up” – like before bed or somewhere where you should “behave”.
It is then that I wonder about a mother’s “logic”? So when exactly is GOOD timing to PLAY with your children? When they are 15 and want nothing to do with you? It comes so quickly! I know this!
So instead, I am so glad that we still play with them. That my husband allows them to see his love and affection in his goofy big kid ways!
I think about the times that I’ve said I’m too busy or was too embarrassed to act silly with them. I vow that I will continue to change that. I need to stop worrying about whether I’m a great mom or not. I just need to BE who I am right there in that moment.
So what did I do? I dove into the water and joined them so that I was IN my heart instead of watching with it. The sun shone on and the world kept turning. And it was another glorious day and I am a great mom! I am just what they need. I am in my heart and it is in me. 🙂