Blankety Blank Blank a.k.a. Ways in Which I Suck

a.k.a. *#*$(*#$#**#(Q@(@((*(%*($%(*$*#*@**!@&*&@ and apologies to Elizabeth Potts Weinstein for stealing her idea/post title!

Man, I don’t know what is up with me but I just plain SUCK right now! My work is absolutely in-F’ing-sane, partly my procrastination’s fault, partly work’s fault. I can’t seem to do anything right, I’m totally the opposite of King Midas – everything I touch, turns to something very brownish green and smelling like crap! I’ve once again over-extended myself, trying too hard and feel completely overwhelmed with all of the $#*@#* that needs to get done in the next few days!

Basically, I’ve spent another fruitless day getting absolutely nothing accomplished and actually ending the day in worse shape than I left it! And I even stayed late to get that “nothing” done and break more crap and send a ton of error message emails to the support guys!

I won’t even begin to entertain the idea of exercising, even though I know it would be the best thing for me right now. Nope, I’m going to sit here and drink another drink; rant and rave, stalk people on FB, go to bed grouchy and likely wake up several times in the night thinking about @$#@#$@$ work (which I HATE doing!), annoyed that I’m still there and not doing what I love instead, and likely have yet another wasted day of stupidness tomorrow!! I keep meaning to do a better job, but I choke on “it” every time. WTF??

I sit here feeling sorry for myself, drinking a delicious beergarita concoction that my husband (that I don’t deserve) made for me. Have I mentioned that I am worried that I drink too much? My children are watching TV AGAIN, still in their pj’s from last night. School starts in two days and I’m completely unprepared. If it weren’t for my husband, they would have nothing at all for the first day. I’ve maybe spoken 15 words to them since I came home, but they haven’t noticed because they’re watching TV and I’m sucked into the computer!! AGAIN! Mom Awards here I come!

I haven’t been able to write a damn thing lately. Nothing I am thinking seems remotely worth sharing! On top of that, I’ve suddenly realized that I talk WAAAAAYYYY to much and don’t listen near enough to my poor friends that I rarely spend time with these days! I can’t apologize enough to them and when I do see them, what do I do? Talk, talk, effing TALK! Nice.

I have all these grand ideas for our business. I try to be positive every day about it taking off soon. Soon, I keep saying. Soon, I keep hoping. Soon, I’ll have the time I want to put into it. Soon, people will “get it” and Soon, I’ll be able to help them…At the moment, I can’t even freaking help myself!! I get so pissed about the time I don’t get to spend on it that I can hardly see straight sometimes. I mean, what is that?? What is the point of starting something like that if I’m going to spend time being mad that I’m not spending time on it??? That makes no fricking sense, what-so-ever.

There it is. I PLAIN OL’ SUCK sometimes too. No, it’s not just you. It’s not just her or even him. Everyone F’ing SUCKS sometimes. Life SUCKS sometimes. Let’s face it. Let’s “cut to the chase”. Let’s not hide behind “perfect” cause there’s no such thing. No ONE is – if they seem like they are, they are LYING SOB’s. Seriously.

The only thing I have any control over is ME. Admitting that I really do suck sometimes is fine. Because it means that there are also times when I ROCK. Because you can’t have one without the other. Ying and Yang, you know? Tomorrow might suck, but then again, it might not. It all depends what I make of it. Note the “I” in that sentence folks…..Suck on, dudes! Or not!