Wow! I just started reading Allison Nazarian’s “Love Your Mess” and I’m already inspired!! LOL!
I read a bit, then jumped in the shower and her words, “let the ones that love you, LOVE you!” struck me! How I’ve struggled with this! Unbelievable and soooo easy to do, yet hard at the same time!!
Over the years, I’ve been so afraid that he wouldn’t love me for the way I am! I’ve tried to be perfect, I’ve tried to “force it”, yet the more I tried the further he pulled away. Finally, I realized that he was going to love me or not love me. I realized that I have ZERO control over what he feels about me! He would love me or not in his own way and his own time.
I just let go. I relaxed. I loved him with all my heart, regardless of what I thought might happen. I just loved. And suddenly, I realized just how much he loves me! How he wants to be with me – even though he knows me in the good and the bad – he just loves me! It has been a miraculous change in our relationship. I just am and he loves me still.
There are times when we take each other for granted and “forget” to spend quality time together. But, instead of harboring the resentment and anxiousness, we TALK. We let each other know how we feel, even when it might hurt the other. It is more important to communicate our feelings. And often, the hurt is simply a misunderstanding and we say we’re sorry and try again.
They are each such different little personalities. They are different people. I have learned to stop comparing them to each other and to other people’s kids. I don’t want other people’s kids. I want mine. And no matter how tightly I hold onto them, they must fly away. My biggest lesson to them is to love with all their hearts. Take a chance on love. Their hearts will break, but they MUST know that I will always love them, no matter what they say or do.
I have learned that they will not necessarily love me every day – some days, they may even hate me. But, my job is to be the constant in their lives. The one they can turn to when their hearts are breaking. They WILL (and have) break my heart. I must not give up on them. They will love me again, when they are ready. And they always do. I just have to let them.
My mom and dad:
This has been another tough lesson to learn. To Let them LOVE ME. To let them love me the way THEY love me; not the way I think they should love me. Theirs was a different life, a different path. They have had different experiences. We may not always agree on things. I may feel that they don’t understand; but nothing that they do or say is meant to hurt me – it is only done/said because they love me. In their way. Not mine – theirs. I just need to let it be.
They have been there for me, always. I forget that, a lot, it seems. I get too caught up in my own life and ideas that I forget to listen to theirs. They have always let me have my ideas. They have been there when I’ve fallen (which is often) and sometimes with an “I told you so”. But, they don’t mean any harm with that. They just want me to know that they care. I need to stop worrying about what they say/do and just take it for what it is: LOVE. Nothing more, nothing less.
The friends I have now are special – they are REAL. No longer do I waste time trying to be “liked” by them. I don’t try to have what they have. I don’t try to be anyone else. I am me. The friends that I have now love me for ME. I have to let them love me in the ways that they do. Some, are around me all the time and I love that. Some, I don’t see so often, but when I do, we just pick up where we left off. I let them come to me in their own time, not on any sort of “schedule” or even when I think they should.
I don’t try to “fix them”. I am learning to just listen. They aren’t coming to me for a lecture or even a solution. They are just coming to me for a shoulder to lean on, a coffee talk, a fun outlet, a break. They just want to be with me. It is not my job to change them or to change their lives. I can give advice, but only when asked. I can listen and love them for who they are. And they will love me in their own ways. Some, will move on, and that’s ok. They maybe don’t need me anymore; I’m ok with that.
Why does it take us so long to figure out that we cannot control how others feel about us? Maybe it’s just me? 🙂
Have you found it hard to just let them love you? What do you do when you start worrying about not being loved? Have you changed? What steps did you take? Share your thoughts in the comments.