Again, inspired by my friend Allison Nazarian’s book: Love Your Mess (I’ve barely begun and this is the second post I just HAD to write!)
Life IS messy! There is no getting around it. And, there are SHITTY days. That’s a fact. No matter how happy you are determined to be, some days just go to HELL! I’ve written about days that SUCK – here (click to read again, but it’s not a very positive post….LOL!)
Not only do I need to understand that I am allowed to have shitty days, I need to understand that the ones I love have shitty days too and that it’s no reflection on me, nor do I need to “fix” the day for them! That is NOT my job!!! Man, I’ve needed to be hit in the head with a two-by-four on that!!
For my hubby – I need to understand that sometimes, just like me, he needs to retreat to his cave and lick his wounds. I need to allow him to go and kill a bunch of people in an online game to unwind from a shitty day. Some days, he just needs to go for a drive or a run. He just needs to be alone. He doesn’t mean to ignore me or say grumpy things – he just wants to get away from it all. I’m learning to let him.
For my sons – both of them do NOT like to talked to or comforted when they are having a bad day. They are like so many of us and just want to be alone. Both of my boys are getting better at retreating to a quiet corner, away from everyone and just getting through what they are struggling with. Often, if I leave them alone instead of trying to FIX it, they will come and curl up with me when they are ready. It is then that they need the hug or the shoulder. I let them know I’m here when they’re ready.
For my daughter – oh, she feels so VERY big! It is hard to watch her on her hard days. She has such a big heart that is broken easily some days. I know how she feels. And how I wish I could make her pain go away. That is the hardest to take on those days. With her, she needs the shoulder to cry on. Sometimes for a long time. She doesn’t need it fixed, just needs to know that the pain will go away. That the pain is OK. It would be easier to just fix it, but I must let her feel it. All I can do is let her and hold her and let her know she is not alone.
For my friends – sometimes they need to talk and sometimes they don’t. I have to let them have the space that they need and come to me when they’re ready. That hasn’t been easy. I’ve taken that personally, which is really silly! It has nothing to do with me! I’m learning though!
For me – I know I do not deal with things well when I’m tired and worn out. I don’t handle anything when I’ve not taken care of myself. I try to prevent shitty days by self-care. Sometimes, though, those days are inevitable. I have learned that the more I try to “fix” it, the worse it gets. I am learning to walk away from the situation; find a quiet corner and do something I love. I might quilt. I might read a book. I know that if I write, it very often helps. I sometimes go workout – that seems to always work if I can get motivated enough while grumpy. I play silly video games or sometimes just watch one of my movies and veg on the couch. Sometimes, though I try not too, I might eat something I love or a vodka helps; but I’m very much aware of the dangers in consoling myself with those things. Thus, I try not to indulge in those. Those are for celebrating! I’m learning to just accept the good and the bad days as part of life.
What do you do when you’re having a bad day? Do you find yourself trying to FIX those days for yourself or your family or do you just let them be? Share in the comments.