This morning, at a very early hour, I am up again to read and reflect. I have started to find this early morning time for me is a relief and respite from the craziness that I seem to be in this month. What is it about June?
I started a new devotional book today: Inspiring Women Every Day. The beginning of something new. This month has been full of “newness”, yet at the same time, some “oldness” has come back to haunt me.
Both my husband and I started new positions for work. Exciting, yes, but I’ve found myself having a hard time adjusting to his new schedule. It brought back a ton of bad memories that I have of an earlier time in our relationship when things were…on the edge. I don’t know why; it’s certainly not fair to either of us. No one needs to dwell in the past.
What I think it means is that I have needed to really face it. I pushed all the hurt and fear down inside me so that I could carry on. I did not allow myself to heal. I was not honest with him nor with myself. And so, in these new times of weariness and missing him, all the darkness pushed it’s way to the surface. The fear and the hurt tried to rush in.
This time though, I am stronger. I have learned a lot about who I am and what I am capable of. I have more faith that God will not give me anything that I cannot handle. He has given me the resources and the willingness to hurt, accept and then heal. To know that I cannot heal without first letting myself hurt.
And so, I read, I pray, I talk, I cry and finally, FINALLY I starting to feel like I can move on.
I am no fool. I know that I will be tested so many times. But now I’ve learned that these are just the ebbs and flows of life. That it really has nothing to do with me at all. It is just the seasons of life. I should have understood that from being raised on a farm!
Sometimes, the winters are hard and long but the spring always comes. There have been magical winters full of memories and special times. Summers are brilliant and easy most of the time, but there are summers when disaster has struck. Fall always seems to feel like a time for reflecting and harvesting of all that we’ve learned. Each year, we move forward a little more.
What I mean to say in my ramblings here this morning (I was up before 5, so cut me some slack! LOL!) is that there is always, ALWAYS those difficult long winters or stormy summers in our life. But there are also blissful. quiet winter evenings by the fire and lazy, hot summer days where all the world seems perfect. It’s how we grow and how & what we choose to harvest from them that really matters.
Look back over the week and heal those hurts and then move on. Today, a midst another rainy day, find the moments that feel like summer. There is so much joy in creativity – take the time to create something; do something you love. Turn off the noise and breathe. Just breathe. It may only be for a tiny piece of the weekend; don’t worry about how much time you don’t have. None of us have much time here. Our seasons are not that long…