Start Over Today

I woke up early today – worried again.

I then lay awake fretting about what I did wrong yesterday and how I was going to “fix it”! I lay there “reading into” things said or not said. How I was going to make my point heard today? How was I going to fix this?

I had been away from the office for two days, so I was WAAAYYY behind an already behind pile of work. I didn’t seem to get much of anything accomplished and was fretting that I should work this weekend. I completely forgot about the two days I’d just spent getting inspired to FIX some things at work. I had been so excited, and then lost that excitement when I got to my desk.

I was also fretting about whether or not someone was mad at me! I’d left a few text messages, a voice mail, and some comments on Facebook. No response. That was the main reason why I woke up. Had I done something else wrong? What was it? I completely “read into” this non-response as “Oh Crap! Now I’m in trouble again!”

I couldn’t get back to sleep, so I got up. These things were still going through my head. Along with all the things I wanted to do about them. Work extra hours. Write a long letter to apologize and explain how I’ve been feeling. Send an email. Send another text message. Make a phone call. Etc. Etc.

Then I decided, you know what, I always think better and feel better after I read some FlyLady emails. She and her Friends always have great words of wisdom. Maybe that will help.

Well, it only took like 15 minutes (FlyLady’s magic number) to start feeling better and reminding myself how to deal with things.

The emails that I have read so far have the message of stop beating yourself up about the mistakes you’ve made in the past! That is not going to change those mistakes.

And you know what? Everyone makes mistakes! A lot of people! Even people that we perceive as being “perfect”! We are allowed to make mistakes.

Sitting here (or laying there like I was) kicking myself about what I didn’t get done and what I should have said/not said is not going to help anything. In fact, it will likely make things worse – either in my mind or actually worse when I spend more time worrying about it than fixing it!

There was a specific line in an email from Jonathan Roche from No Excuses Workouts  that hit me the hardest:

“Don’t let yesterday’s missteps rob you of today and tomorrow’s victories.  Today is a new and beautiful day so use it as the gift it is…”

The FlyLady’s messages are always about starting over today. Just jump right in and get it done. She talks about how she used to always beat herself up about how she looked, how she cleaned house, how she felt about herself (she thought she was worthless and let people tell her that she was).

Slowly, these messages have been seeping into my mind: I cannot change the past or the mistakes I have made. I am not perfect, and that is a good thing! I am someone special that deserves a great life. I am not worthless.

Slowly, in “baby steps”, or little pieces at a time, I am understanding this. I am getting so much better than I was even only 2 years ago.

Everyday is another chance to try again. To make one more step forward. There may be steps backwards too, but as long as I keep going forward too, the net result will be getting further ahead! Just keep trying!

And that is what I’m going to do today. Start over again!

For more information on FlyLady and Jonathan Roche:

FlyLady

NoExcusesWorkouts

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How Much Stuff Do We Need?

Once again, there seems to be a theme to stuff I’ve been finding myself reading. The Universe always seems to be telling me something these days!

Lorna was sharing yesterday about Loretta Laroche’s view of “stuff” – how it clutters our life and adds to the stress.

The FlyLady is always talking about the freedom we would have if we just decluttered – got rid of “stuff”! It’s way easier to clean without all the stuff getting in the way.

I read Leo’s blog http://mnmlist.com/the-true-cost-of-stuff/ that speaks about the true cost of stuff. It is quite enlightening as well. It goes way beyond the price tag on the stuff that we buy.

Our society has become so engrossed in having more stuff than the next guy. We constantly compare ourselves to the neighbor that just bought a new SUV or the next cool gadget.

I’m just as bad as the next guy – always worrying about money so that we can pay for our stuff, worrying about keeping the stuff nice, worrying about getting rid of stuff that we’ve collected over the years and on and on.

How much of this stuff do we really need? How much of the current economic situation is due to the fact that we all buy too much stuff? How much debt do each of us have just because of stuff.

We can’t take this stuff with us when we go. We just leave it behind for our children to deal with! Like they want the stuff! Why do we do this?

I think it’s because we’ve always been hunters and gathers – that is what makes us human. Generations upon generations have worried about having stuff. More than just the basic needs. We want to “improve” our lives. And I don’t think that’s a bad thing. We should be trying to improve ourselves.

But, what I think we should do, is try not to let this “improvement” take over our lives. I think we need to simplify our lives. Get the basics. The things that make us happy.

OMG – I just said “the things that make us happy”. You may be horrified when I say that! I don’t mean that we need things to make us happy. I mean that there are some things that contribute to our happiness.

Take me for example: the “things” that contribute to my happiness is *gasp* this computer! It enables my ability to talk and talk — which I love to do. Another “thing” – fabric – so that I can quilt and express my creativity through that.

Things that don’t contribute to my happiness – I’m slowly getting rid of. For example, clothes that I don’t like or that no longer fit. Why would I hang onto those? But  we all do it – look in your closet. I’ll bet there are things in there that you don’t really want! Get rid of it!

I am not saying that we should all become hermits  living in a tent in the woods. Humanity has come a long way and we don’t have to be like that. The brilliant inventions that have advanced society are awesome, in my opinion. But, I don’t think we should let this stuff take over our lives. Especially to the point where it stresses us out or hurts our world.

Let’s simplify. Let’s only take what we need. Let’s give back and share with others. Let’s make everyone’s lives a little better. Let’s get rid of the “have’s” and “have not’s”. Let’s make sure that everyone has the stuff they need!

Check out this video from Daughtry: What About Now?


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A realistic moment

I am still in shock this morning…I amazed myself last night!

Let me tell you the story:

We are having a big family reunion this weekend. The first in a very long time. We are going to have a silent auction to recover costs and have some funds for the next reunion. For things like paper plates, prizes, etc.

Well, of course, I had planned to have some sort of quilt for the auction. I am well known in the family as a quilter and I thought it would be nice for me to have a quilt for someone to buy.

Again, of course, those that know me, know that I did not get one finished. Not even started! Not surprising, it’s been yet another busy spring!

Anyway, my aunt called me from my Gramma’s house yesterday and needed some help with a quilted table runner she is making for this silent auction. I love to help fellow quilters, so I rushed over after work and helped her out. I so love quilting and it has been so long! I got the bug again and wanted to do some of my own quilting when I got home.

After supper, I went down to my “quilting corner” and immediately started running plans through my head of what I could “whip up” for this weekend’s reunion. Did I mention that it’s THIS weekend? Like 4 days from now!?? I spent about 20 minutes ACTUALLY contemplating getting something done in 4 days! I AM COMPLETELY INSANE!! I did have myself going! I really was going to attempt this crazy idea! I rummaged around, a million schemes going through my head – I could spend this many hours every day, I could make something this simple, I could make something this size, etc. etc. etc.!!!

A year ago, the Shawna I knew would have actually attempted this. I would have stayed up until 2 a.m. every night frantically getting something put together. I would have been completely stressed out, not enjoying quilting the project in the first place! Hating something that I LOVE to do! I would have made a million mistakes because of being tired, thus taking me that much longer. I wouldn’t have enjoyed the weekend’s reunion because I would have been exhausted from trying to complete the project in time! A year ago, I was a different person.

Now, the Shawna I know is trying (and sometimes succeeding) to set REALISTIC goals! I am trying so hard to be more sane! I kicked myself in the butt last night and made myself realize that it is far more important for me to enjoy the weekend’s reunion than have one of my quilts there for everyone to “ooo and aaw” over. I realize that my family will enjoy my company much more than my quilts. No one is going to say, gee, how come Shawna didn’t make a quilt? And if they do say that, so what!? I don’t need to do absolutely everything, all the time!

I did sit down to quilt for about an hour. Just tinkered at one of my many projects. And you know what? I did NOT stress about getting anything done! I just enjoyed the hum of my machine and the intricacies of a project coming together. That is why I love quilting – relaxation and seeing little bits of fabric become something beautiful. Something that I MADE with MY own hands. That is what makes me happy. I can look forward to a weekend with my large family. I can ENJOY it. And I won’t have a quilt there, but I will have my family all around me; laughing, telling stories, curling up by the fire under one of my many quilts that I have made, and loved making!

That is what amazed me! I actually WAS sane last night! That was my “realistic moment”.

Now, the day is young – how many times can I be realistic today!!??