Dents in My Fender

This week has been a mixed bag of emotions. Up and down and all around! LOL!

I was up at 4:30 today, unable to sleep AGAIN. The night before that, I tossed and turned. I walked again to work today which helped clear my head. I chose to listen to my Inspiration genre on my iPhone and it turned out to be just what the doctor ordered.

One of my favorite songs from Francesca Battistelli came on: Free to be Me (click to listen).

“I gotta a couple dents in my fender; gotta couple rips in my jeans” – yeah, just a couple…..

Feelings of failure have been pretty visible on my radar this week. Failure as a mom, failure at work, failure at home, failure to my workouts…the list goes on. My back and neck are full of knots, I’ve had headaches that I hadn’t had for awhile. Woe is me! LOL!

Anyway, I listened. I walked. I feel much better. Besides, it’s the weekend, it’s date night, it’s a business trade fair with lots of potential tomorrow, it’s hanging out with the kids tomorrow night, and it’s Freezer cooking on Sunday. A busy weekend full of doing lots of what I love to do!

I’m still Free to be Me. 🙂

Some of the other ones that came to my ears on my walk this morning…

Love Never Fails – Brandon Heath

What Faith Can Do – Kutless

Voice of a Savior – Mandisa

Come to Jesus – Point of Grace

 

Thankful Reflection

It’s Thanksgiving; a time for reflection on what we’re thankful for. There are a couple things on my mind this morning:

I read a post from Momentum Gathering http://momentumgathering.com/are-you-gathering-womentum/ about the amazing momentum happening right now that we can build on and the changes we can make as women AND men.

I also read a poem that my friend Ronna’s daughter wrote http://www.ronnadetrick.com/finding-faith-via-my-nearly-14-year-old-daughter/ and I was as amazed as Ronna was about her daughter’s bravery and wisdom in understanding her Truth at 14.

Both of these made me reflect on the people that I have gathered around me over the past year. The year of my Happiness Project; the year of Living My Truth; the year of Being Epic.

I am so thankful for my family. There are many things that I’ve done/written/said over the past year that my family may not have agreed with. The stories I’ve shared about our lives growing up has put them “out there” where it is no longer just our stories. Yet, they have supported me; even encouraged me; they have worried, they have laughed and they have cried. They have accepted me in my decisions and my pursuits.

Our family’s life stories are not complicated or “epic” in the worldly sense. But they are stories of love, of sticking together, of learning, of passing on wisdom and hoping for better for our children.

I have written them for my own reflection and remembrance. I have written them to give power to the possible. To demonstrate that their is so much power in the family – even the imperfect ones like mine & yours.

We can build on this! Build on this momentum that we are creating in our family as it branches out into the world!

Our children that are allowed to make mistakes and learn from them; kids that have compassion & care about others and their world; children that understand that knowledge and people are more important than “stuff”; children that understand that life is what they make it-that they must seize it right now!

We are building daughters who are strong and independent yet nurturing and feminine. Our daughters are empowered to live their truths. That they don’t have to “fall” for the images they see of women on screens and in the pages of magazines. They are learning to listen to their hearts and take care of each other rather than put each other down to build their own self-esteem. Girls who have a voice and who sing it loudly to the world!

We build sons who have open hearts and emotion yet are ready to take care of family and what is right. Boys that are rough and tumble yet are gentle and caring. Young men that don’t follow the pack, they lead their own. They don’t know differences in gender, creed or color; they only know people. They are boys that show love, laughter, faith and hope while being “snips, snails & puppy dogs’ tails”.

Do you see the momentum gathering in your family? Do you see all that you are capable of? The changes you are already making? The hope in their future?

This is the the corny theme song of my 4H club week so very long ago 😉 bit still something to think about!

Watching with My Heart

I sat there reading Eat,Pray,Love today on the deck at the pool. I was in India with Elizabeth Gilbert as she learned to let go.

I thought about where my life was taking me. I thought about how I’m changing – living more in the moment than I used to. How I’ve been learning to let go too.

Have you ever spent time just watching your children? Watching them without them knowing? I find that I’m becoming addicted to this. I will stop what I’m doing and “spy” on them.

Watching them interact with each other (when they’re not fighting) is beautiful. They are close those two. I watch Rebecca observe others and I watch Lucas venture out alone where he once wouldn’t let me out of his sight. I feel tears well in my eyes as I watch them – I am just so blessed.

Then he goes out in the water with them – my husband. I peak around my book.

Their smiles light up from all the way over there. He splashes around with them and their giggles reach my very core. Under they go, but it is all part of the game.

I see him plant a big sloppy kiss on Lucas and he squeals in horror and pleasure all at the same time! I love this man, this passionate Italian, who is so easily teaching his children that it is ok for men to show love. Tears well again.

I watch them play so more. He is so great at playing with them. I know there are times when I get exasperated at his timing when he “riles them up” – like before bed or somewhere where you should “behave”.

It is then that I wonder about a mother’s “logic”? So when exactly is GOOD timing to PLAY with your children? When they are 15 and want nothing to do with you? It comes so quickly! I know this!

So instead, I am so glad that we still play with them. That my husband allows them to see his love and affection in his goofy big kid ways!

I think about the times that I’ve said I’m too busy or was too embarrassed to act silly with them. I vow that I will continue to change that. I need to stop worrying about whether I’m a great mom or not. I just need to BE who I am right there in that moment.

So what did I do? I dove into the water and joined them so that I was IN my heart instead of watching with it. The sun shone on and the world kept turning. And it was another glorious day and I am a great mom! I am just what they need. I am in my heart and it is in me. 🙂

Stories

I read a post from Ronna last week: What Are the Stories You’d Like to Hear and it got me thinking about stories. It got me thinking about a lot of things! Ronna’s great at making me do that 😉

What are the stories I’d Like to Hear:

  1. Stories of a single mom who thinks that she is not good enough to be a mom, but turns out to be a great mom after all
  2. Stories of a woman who thinks that she will never find Mr. Perfect, but ends up finding Mr. Not-So-Perfect-But-Will-Love-You-Forever instead
  3. Stories of the small town girl who dreams big and follows her heart, no matter what everyone else says she should/shouldn’t do
  4. Stories of Faith and God and the Universe that don’t involve fire & brimstone but tell of God’s love for her children and that heaven is right here, right now, right in front of us if we would just open our eyes and believe in it.
  5. Stories of women who are not martyrs; who give, try, love, laugh, cry, trip and fall, give up, try again. Who believe that every day is a chance to start over
  6. Stories of people that open their hearts to each other, letting go of fear and find out about all the greatness that life holds for each of them
  7. Stories of weapons laid down, differences overcome, eyes and minds opened, forgiveness given. Of a world where money is not power and we are brothers and sisters; all of us

These are just some of the stories I’ve been searching for, finding, writing, reading. I am still an infant as far as stories go…Some questions are answered, so many are not. I have faith that the stories will grow in the telling & that there are so many more to come!

Thanks Ronna!

Songs of My Heart

Today, I’ve been thinking about a few songs that I’ve heard recently. I had been meaning to load them on my iPod, so I’m doing that tonight. It’s been awhile since I’ve shared any songs with you.

Trace Adkins – All I Ask For Anymore

This video makes me cry because I take my family for granted. They are right here with me. Trace’s reflection of what used to be important to him and what is important now is such an important reminder.

Help Me Out – Suzie McNeil

Can´t go back to where you´re from
´Cause baby you´re not fooling anyone
So don´t be sorry now for the damage done.

Less is less and more is more
And baby don´t keep standing at the door
´Cause you may never know what you´re waiting for.

This song has a really fun beat, but these lyrics hit too. You can’t go back and change the past, all you can do is move forward. Just standing there doing nothing doesn’t help anything.

Running – Jully Black

This song has such a powerful message for all of us – “Running for the Right” – “Running for the Fight” – “Liberty and Freedom” – Stop Hiding and Denying

What Faith Can Do – Kutlass

Faith. I needed this song this week and it’s message. Watch the video and read the words.

I’ll bet it has something that you need to hear too. 🙂 <>